Don't Miss This Vital Element To Your Well-Being

People are exhausted. They're isolated. They're telling themselves it's just anxiety or stress or this is just a busy season in my life. But sometimes that ache that we get isn't a mental health problem. We are going to learn what researchers have found matters most for a long, happy, healthy life. It's not fame, it's not money, it's not even how hard you work. Today we're going to talk about what matters more to your well-being than almost anything else. Come on, join me. Welcome to Hope Blvd. I'm Geri Carlson. I am your host, and this is episode number 14. I am so glad you're here, friends. If it's your first time here, for those of you who are returning, I'm grateful for that. Thank you all for being here. I'm excited about today's show. This is an important topic. Frankly, it's my jam. I mean, I have touched on this in other episodes, but today we're going to dive in and we're going to learn what it is that is such a vital part of your well-being. First, I want to do a quick reminder about my survey. Thank you to those who already took it. I'd love the feedback from all of you. Please go to hopeblvd.org/ survey. It's pretty quick and it would mean the moon to me if you would take a minute to complete it. Again, hopeblvd.org /survey. Thank you, friends.

There's another thing I want to talk to you about, but I'm going to save that to the end because there's so much to get to and there's so much to talk about today. So let's get started.

Have you ever felt lonely in a room filled with people? Or maybe you look at your schedule or your calendar and you see that it's packed full. And yet you still feel like nobody really knows you. You know, for a long time, society has talked about physical health and mental health. Like these are the two things to manage in our lives, and they are. But there's a third one that we don't talk about nearly enough, and it's called social health. I have talked about this and have taught clients about this for the past 20 years, and I have known about the importance of it for close to 30 years, just for my own life. I learned about this many moons ago. Thankfully, I mean it's been a great help. There are some updated studies that I want to share with you. It's incredible information. Um, I've referred to this social health in the past as you may have heard me talk about support system and ask about your inner circle work and that kind of thing. But now it has a name and it's social health.

Social health has been talked about by doctors Henry Cloud and John Townsend and others for decades. I'm sure you're going to be hearing more and more about social health over the next two years. I'm going to share some effects stemming from some incredible studies. I mean, I'm I'm so impressed by them. One of the researchers making the case is uh her name is Kaisley Killam, and she wrote a book called The Art and Science of Connection. She argues that our sense of connection and belonging is its own pillar of well-being right alongside the physical and the mental. And I couldn't agree more. And the numbers back her up.

One of the largest reviews of the research, looking at over 300,000 people, found that people with strong social relationships have a 50% greater likelihood of survival than those without. An effect on your lifespan that rivals quitting smoking. Friends, that's not a small effect. That's a connection that's working on us at a cellular level. And it just affects us physically. And here's the encouraging part it's not about how many people you know.

Dr. John Townsend, who's taught on this for years, says that your life team, those are those people that you can really rely on. This is what I would refer to as your inner circle or you know, your support system. You've heard me talk about that. So Dr. Townsend says that your life team works best somewhere between three and ten people. Fewer than that, and you don't have enough support to draw on. And more than that, it's hard to go deep with anyone. And you know what? This isn't new information. It's now just getting some much needed attention, and it's being reported with a certain level of urgency right now.

Harvard has been running a study since 1938. Listen to this. Nearly 80 years tracking over 700 men and then eventually adding their families. It's called the Harvard Study of Adult Development. And it's led now by Dr. Robert Waldinger. I've not read anything or I don't know much from this gentleman, but this study is impressive. After eight decades of data, here's what they found matters most for a long, happy, healthy life. It's not fame, it's not money, and it's not even how hard you worked. Dr. Waldinger put it simply, good relationships keep us happier and healthier. That's it. Quality relationships, even just a few of them predicted better health and longer life, better than anything else they measured. I don't know about you, but that is so incredibly impressive. And for me, it really measures up to what I see and what I have seen in my counseling practice. The people who come in and have a really strong support system, or let's say, life team. I like that, Dr. John Townsend. That is incredible. And for those people who come in with a strong life team, I love it. I know that they're going to leave my office and they're going to be supported. And at least to be able to have people to go and talk to and to have people to go deep with, not just the surface level conversation, but going deep. We're not going to go deep with very many people. Or really we shouldn't.

I remember one client came in to see me and I asked her about her support system. And I asked, How many people would you say you have in your support system, in your inner circle? And she said, 19. And I thought, I've never heard anyone come up so quickly with just a number like that. So I said to her, 19? Where do you come up with 19? I'd love to know. And she said, Well, these are mostly college friends, and they still get together years later on a regular basis, and they're very supportive of one another. And I said, Well, that's great. I think that's wonderful. But I asked her, let's think for a moment about your deepest, darkest secret. That thing that is so personal to you, you don't want to really discuss it with everybody. You're going to be very selective. How many people of those 19 will you go deep with? And she said, two or three. And I said, now you're getting it. It's wonderful to get together with big groups sometimes, but those people that we're going to do life with, that we're going to go deep with, that we can count on the most, those people with integrity who are honest, who are truthful beings, who are going to love us and care about us enough to be straight with us and tell us the truth even when it hurts. If they're caring, they're going to gently tell us the truth even when it hurts, right? I know, hey, look, I have to say that for myself out loud, actually. But it's really important to know that we need to build up our life team or our inner circle. And I'm wanting to come through the microphone right now to every single one of you and just put your face in my hands so I can say, this is important. This is you I'm talking to. And I said, Is this the person that you just spent the last 30 minutes telling me about that that abuses you? And he said, Yes. And I said, Why is he in your inner circle? Why is he your strong support system? And he said, He's the only one I have to go to. Now that's sad. And so I talked to him, and just like I'm gonna go into say to anyone here listening to this now, if that sounds like you, just know this. Know that you can change that. You have a choice to change that. And I hope that there's some urgency in you to want to change that, or to at least start uh maybe praying about it, meditating on it, and decide that, you know, this is important, and I really need to make some choices here and start building relationships that I can really go deep with, people that I can count on, people who are not abusive, people who are loving and honest and caring, and people that I can go deep with.

I want to add one more voice to this because connection isn't automatically good just because it's connection. Dr. Henry Cloud, who's written about boundaries for years, along with him, he and John Townsend wrote the book Boundaries. If you haven't heard of it or haven't read it, oh my goodness, it's fundamental. I can't recommend it more. Um, Dr. Henry Cloud reminds us that healthy relationships still need boundaries. Not every connection is a healthy one. And hear this, friends. Community should build you up, not drain you dry or pull you away from who God made you to be. So as you're looking for people, look for ones who are good for you, not just the people who are present. You know, even scripture backs this up. All the way back to Genesis chapter 2. God looks at Adam, he's alone in paradise, and he says, It is not good for man to be alone. Enter Eve. Oh, friends, we were built for each other from the very beginning. You were made for connection, and so was I. Not for independence, not for isolation, connection.

So here's what I want to encourage you to do this week. All right. Think of one person, just one, that you could reach out to. And I don't mean just send them a text that says, hey, we should catch up sometime, you know, but an invite, a real invitation for coffee or for a phone call, or the meetup and go for a walk. You were made for connection, and so is the person on the other end of that message. Liz Bohanan, who is an accomplished speaker and author, writes about social health as well. And I think a lot of us feel this way. She points out that most of us treat friendships as optional. You know, it's just it's an afterthought. Like something we'll get to once career and family and finances are all handled. We'll we'll get to nurturing those relationships. But but that's backwards. And she points out that chronic loneliness carries a health risk on par with smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Well, here's the good news you don't need a huge network to be healthy. Ms. Bohannan seems to be right in sync with John Townsend and when she says that most of us just need about four or five close friends. Honestly, it's quality over quantity friends. If you have three friends that are really close, if you have two, but they're people that you can really go deep with. I can't stress the importance of that. It's good for your health in more ways than one.

Before I let you go, friends, if today's episode is stirring something in you, if you're realizing that you could use some help in building real connection, or you're just carrying more than you were meant to carry alone, I'd love to talk with you. I offer pastoral counseling and life coaching, all virtual, online, face-to-face. And my real living method is a six-week coaching program built to help you trade self-doubt and anxiety for confidence and joy and to move toward the life you were made for. Not sure where to start? I offer a free 15-minute consult, no pressure at all. I get to know your story just a little bit, and I'll share with you what our fees are. And you can find it all at gericarlson.com. That's g-e-r-icarlson.com. And I'd be honored to walk alongside you.

If this episode is encouraging, please share it with someone who you might think might get something out of it too. And thank you so much for listening. Until our paths meet again, make it a great day for you and someone else. And remember, friends, there is always hope. Always. Bye for now.