You Are Significant And Loved, Even When You're Lonely

Last week we talked about the importance of connection and how important it is to nurture those relationships that you have around you, especially those that are so important to you. Today I'd like to assure you that you are valuable to those around you and that your presence is important. In fact, your value is incredibly high. And I want you to not miss the fact that this is really significant, not only in your life, but in the lives of others. Come on, let's talk about this.

Welcome to Hope Blvd. I'm Geri Carlson. I am your host, and this is episode number 15. You know, there's something in my subconscious that must think that that number is really important. Well, it is. It is important because here we are for another episode, and plus, you know, at this stage I want to keep track of those numbers because I would say it is sometimes. But what's really important is that you are here. And I am really happy to have you join me, and thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. I want to get started right away on a couple of things. I have a couple of notes I want to share with you. One of them being that the survey is underway. So those of you who have already done the survey, thank you so much. Um, the rest of you, please go to hopefullabart.org slash survey and take the survey, please. Um, just give me some feedback and I'll tell you what, you guys have stepped up. I really appreciate the feedback. I am receiving valuable feedback that is encouraging to me, number one, but it's also really constructive and helps me to kind of you know navigate how we go forward. So I want to get some more surveys back before I say too much more, but but honestly, right now we are not changing a thing. So we are just gonna keep going and doing what we're doing, and you being here makes it all worthwhile for me. So thank you, friends. I really appreciate it. All right, let's get started. Last week I mentioned an 85 years long Harvard study. It's called the Adult Development Study. And then right now it's run by Dr. Robert Waldinger, and before him it was several other people because this is going all the way back to uh 1938, I believe. And so 85 years in the running, and this study is still going on. So the study basically talked about the importance of close relationships and the quality that it brings, and that it's more important than money or fame or genetics or anything, and it's the top predictor of long-term health and happiness. Anyone here up for some happiness? I mean, really, but uh even more, uh, the long-term health that is so significant. I love hearing about this. This was just as a refresher. They say this is more important than mental health, physical health, and now what's called social health is what is the great predictor, the top predictor of long-term health and happiness. So I want to I want to talk a little bit about that and about how important it is for those relationships, but I want to elaborate on something here. I want to really encourage you and I want you to know that you also are important to the people around you. You know, we were talking about how important the people in your support system or your social group or your inner circle or these people who are so important to your social health. Um, yeah, they're important to you, but you know what, Dagana, you are important to them as well. And I don't want to gloss over that. And you know, look, I mean, each individual is important, and I'm not sure we are really getting that. You know, there are so many people who are hurting. There are so many people who are so lonely. I know that for a long time we've known about that in the elderly, but we're seeing the loneliness go through the roof, and that to me is the saddest thing. We are so busy, we are so surrounded by so many people, by so many projects, by so much work, by so much busyness, and we are lonely. What is wrong with that picture? So I want to encourage you again to connect, to build those relationships, to choose people. Maybe you don't have anyone around you right now. Maybe there's a reason you don't connect, or maybe you are doing the connecting, but others are not reciprocating. And if that's the case, then move on. Sometimes people are not going to reciprocate. Okay, give it another time or two and and try it again. But if they don't reciprocate after a couple of times or a few attempts to connect with them, then put your focus elsewhere. You know? I remember when I decided that I was going to rid my life of toxic people and build better quality relationships. I mean, I was probably, I don't know, I was in my early 30s when I made that choice. Like, okay, this is it. People who I think are my friends really aren't. And so I had to be intentional. I had this had to be a real conscious effort on my part that I was going to connect with people that I aspired to be more like. So I looked around. Who were the people, well, in my church or in my community, who were those people? And I'll tell you what, it is one of the best decisions I ever made. I am so glad that I decided to do that. It took a minute. I'm not gonna kid you about that. It took some time because people are already busy. They might be thinking, hey, I might have room for another relationship in my life, but you don't know that because you don't know what kind of quality relationships they have. And if you are going to prove yourself to be a trustworthy, honest person of character that just seems to be a kind human who happens to be quite lovely, and you know, whatever your personality type is, maybe you're outgoing, maybe you're not, maybe you're funny, maybe you're not. Maybe, you know, whatever your personality is, you don't know what they're looking for. You don't know, and and I'm not suggesting that you charm people in some manipulative way. That's not it. Be yourself, be real. You are enough. You are enough. So be yourself and look for these people that you aspire to be more like. And when you find them, you show them who you are. I have to go back to that saying, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them. So you show others who you are, and you while you're working on yourself to be a better human, to work through your flaws just like everybody else needs to do, then you know what? How can that not be honorable? So I want to encourage you because change is not easy, but dang, it is so worth it. I look back 30 years ago when I made that decision and I think, had I not done that, I'd be a really miserable woman today. I mean, even with all of my health crisis and everything going on in my life, I could sit here and wallow in that and I could tell you, oh, you know, gosh, it's so hard. You have no idea what it's like every single day. It's the things I go through and life has gotten so hard, and everything is hard. Everything is harder than it was for me. You know what? So I have to deal with it. And I move on. I just that is a choice. I'm not going to wallow in it. So I really want to encourage you that no matter what you have going on in your life, you could be reaching out for somebody to connect with. And I would not just keep it at one person. If you don't have anyone around you, or if the people that you have around you are not what you are aspiring to become more like, then this is your chance. Don't look at this as a hard negative thing. Look at this as an opportunity. You get to connect with people who are better and who are amazing and who knows what love looks like. One of the things that I say in counseling sessions quite a bit is when somebody's telling me about an abusive situation or something that is, you know, quite uh cruel, I will remind them sometimes, I will teach them it, and it's as if they've heard it for the first time, and it breaks my heart when that's the case. But I will say to them, that's not what love looks like. And for some people, that's a light bulb moment, and that's sad. I would rather everybody have a light bulb moment and be able to move on and go forward in your life in such a way that's productive, that's effective, that is going to instill growth in yourself. I know I want that for me. I know I have worked hard on that for me for 30 years. And that's why I have a program called the Real Living Method. And the Real Living Method is something that I cultivated over years and years and years of just how do I do this? You know, I mean, I read countless self-help books and different kinds of things that I thought would help me be a better person. And how do I, how do I deal with this hurt? How do I get this off of my mind and move on with something else in my life? How do you know, how do I do life better? And so I will tell you, it takes effort. You have to put some effort into it, and it's worth every minute. So I really want to encourage you. This is a good thing. And for those of you who do have people around you, and maybe they're family members, but uh boy, that's hard. That gets tricky if they're family members and they're not good humans, or they're not loving people, or they really don't know what love looks like. Hear me when I say this. You can't save them. You can pray for them, you can teach them some things that you've learned that helps you, and hope that they will take the initiative and that they will be encouraged and move forward and do things differently so that they can bring change in their own life. That would be great, but that's something that they have to do, and you are not responsible for their response. You're not responsible for the way other people choose to do life. You are only responsible for yourself. That's it. And you know what? Growth is a beautiful thing. I really hope that you won't look at this as, oh gosh, it seems so hard and it takes so long, and it's when I started, this is what I did. I made the decision to become a lifelong learner. So even in my 60s, I am continuing to learn. I want to learn every day, every single day, you know, and when Jesus comes back, I want him to catch me learning. I want him to look at me and go, well, I see you're still going at it. Um, you know, because I want him to be pleased with me. And I want him to be pleased with you. And you know what? So many people that I know that are listening to this right now, you're amazing. And if anyone hasn't told you that lately, you are beautiful. Look, we all have things we want to change about ourselves, and I'm right there with everybody else. There's still so much. I've been working on this most of my adult life, but that's a good thing. Change is good. If I go back 30 years and I don't change, or I make very little baby steps here and there, how much would I expect to have changed by now? Oh man, you couldn't pay me enough to turn the clock back. You really could not pay me enough. I literally would not go back for anything. There's no way. I don't want to go back and live in in the way that I was 30 years ago or 20 years ago, even 10 years ago. Dear Lord, I hope that I'm a better person. I've worked on it. I have not arrived. I'm here to tell you, I've not arrived. But you know what? We're never gonna be perfected this side of heaven. We're not. But I'm gonna die trying.

And that brings me to my faith take. We've talked about loneliness, and one of the things that I want to talk about is that Jesus knows about loneliness, you know? I can't imagine him walking this earth and in a world where we all want to be relevant, in a world where we all want to connect, and find people that we can find common ground with. But how many people were there like Jesus? I mean, I you know, none, zero. So there's Jesus and then there's everybody else. But Jesus was still relational, and that's what I love about him so much that he was relational, he was encouraging, he was so many things. But the thing that he exemplified the best is love. Jesus loved like nobody else. Jesus is still loving, and he is still loving you. If you're lonely, if you've ever known loneliness and you never want to experience it again because it's not fun. You know, I've learned some profound lessons on prayer, and I am not the poster child for prayer warriors. Let me just put that out there. I mean, uh, we are all called to pray. We are all called into a relationship with our Heavenly Father, which involves communicating with our Lord. We are also instructed to listen. So what does that look like? If you're someone that's going through loneliness and you can talk to God, and in the meantime, you're looking for people that you can communicate with and that you can build a relationship with. In the stillness that Jesus speaks. Be a good listener. Proverbs 3 verse 5 says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. We don't know what's right around the corner. We don't know who God is going to send into our lives. And maybe it is people unaware or angels unaware, as we've heard, right? We don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. So if it's a hard day, and if you're lonely, or if you're going through some hardship, remember that morning comes. Hold on, wait till the morning. I love you so much, and I want you to know how much God loves you. I've had stillness. I laid in a hospital bed for eight months, and my family came every day, and I was so grateful for that, and I had great support that way. But then they went home and I was alone, and I was there all night, and I was by myself, and it was lonely. There were people in and out of my room, but it was hard. And I'll tell you, there were times I didn't feel like praying, frankly. Because I felt like I was prayed out, you know? Come on, God. I just feel like saying ditto. Same prayer yesterday, same verse, same chapter. I mean ditto. But I talked to him anyway. And when I was in a lot of pain, sometimes it was just a lot of moaning and groaning and crying. But when I was really able to focus, I prayed when I didn't feel like praying. Because I didn't want to fall out of my prayer relationship with God. I didn't want to fall out of practice, and that's what faith is. Faith is really practicing, they call it practicing your faith, right? I encourage you to practice your faith. And what does that look like? Talking to God, learning more about Jesus so that we know how to behave, and then going out and being Jesus to others. If we could all do that, most of all, the one that you need to please in your life is God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth, and maker of you. He knew exactly what he was doing when he created you. And frankly, I am so glad he did. And I'm glad you're here. I mentioned the real living method earlier, and I just want to give a real quick note on this. Um, I'll talk more about it in another episode, but just for now, I want to let you know that I offer the Real Living Method coaching program, and it's on the website at gericarlson.com. That's G-E-R-I Carlson.com. And if you want to go there and learn more about it, and if you want to reach out to me, I can share more about it with you. But coaching is basically taking you from where you are today to where you want to be. If you want to learn more about it, you want to know a little bit about it, let me know. I'd love to talk to you for a few minutes on the phone. It's a six-week coaching program, and I love it. Frankly, these are the tools that I used while I was in the hospital after I got home. These tools got me through awful periods in my life. And I'm grateful that I learned them, and now I'm grateful that I get to share them with you. So thank you for being here.

And with that, I think we're gonna wrap it up for today, and I'll look forward to our paths meeting again. And in the meantime, make it a great day for you and someone else. And remember, friends, there is always hope. Always. Bye for now.