I'm Not Going To Watch My Mother Die

Finally home. But then something happened. And it almost felt like we were back to square one after everything we had been through. Friends, you are not going to believe this. Well, maybe you will...

I'm Geri Carlson. I am your host. Thank you so much for being here. I love being able to connect with all of you. I have to say, I have been really blessed by some comments from some of the sweetest people. So thank you for taking the time to listen. And for those of you with those kind words, I'm reaching out to you with big hugs.

Newsletter coming...

I want to take a minute to tell you that I am starting a newsletter. And so there's just one problem. I need your email address. So if you could please go to hopeblvd.org, that's hopeblvd.org. And you can either go to the contact page or just wait, and that pop-up will come up and just put your email in there for me. And I want to send you my newsletter. Is that okay? I would love to be able to connect with you in that way. And I'd love to hear back from you as well, if you want to. But this way I can connect with you and give you some updates, and you'll be the first to know when there's an episode out. And I just want the people on my email list to be able to be the first to know everything. And I want that to be you. Provide me with your email address so I can send you my newsletter. Don't worry. I'm not going to inundate you with all kinds of email things because I don't like that either. But I'm going to send you a newsletter if that's okay. So thank you very much for that. And I guess you need to go back to your email and you need to confirm and say yes, I did sign up to be on Geri's email list. All right. I appreciate it very much. All right. We've got more story to tell. This is going to continue from the last episode. And let's get started. In this episode, I'm continuing from episodes 9 and 10, where I nearly died, and I shared how God intervened. You can listen to those episodes if you'd like to hear more about that incredible part of my story. But during an interview recently, it was mentioned that this, my story, could be spiritual warfare. And I think he was right. And I wasn't about to give the enemy a foothold to steer me from hope or from the one who provides. It's been a journey, that's for sure. But once I got home from that hospital, I was able to exhale. It was so long in coming. I was elated to be home. I was there at home for six whole days, during which my family was surrounding me in celebration of my birthday. And honestly, it was a beautiful chaos, as I like to call it. Grandchildren running through our condo and a sight I have missed more than they could ever know. There was birthday cake and presents and laughter and gratefulness by all of us that we didn't have to visit together in some kind of healthcare facility. I was still paralyzed from the neck down. So this year my birthday cake was fed to me by a family member, as was all my meals. But I was home, you know? And I was so grateful for that. I couldn't wait to get busy working with physical therapy and occupational therapy so I could relearn everything all over again. Not that I was really excited about doing it, but I it had to be done. And I was really optimistic and I was ready to roll up my sleeves and get to work. And hopefully that meant that I would eventually walk. I was hopeful and determined. So many good things were on the horizon. I just knew it. Then the abdominal pains returned. I've mastered downplaying my pain and discomfort, so it isn't that bad, I remember saying. I don't know if I was trying to convince myself or my family that I didn't need medical attention, but the pain became excruciating. Was it a porphyria attack? Oh, heaven forbid. Mom, I think we should take you to the emergency room. Nope. I'll be fine. I'm good. As the pain intensified, so did the police from my family to go to the ER. I just got home. I am not going back to the hospital. I had endured the worst pain imaginable during my eight-month hospitalization. So I could put up with more as long as I was home. Well, that was my mindset. I can't express how deeply content I was during those six days, even though I was still paralyzed. The thought of returning to the hospital was painful in itself. I was never going to cave in.

I am not going to just stand here

Finally, my daughter Amy, growing increasingly anxious, said, I am not going to just stand here and watch my mother die. She called for an ambulance. As they placed me on that gurney, I was silent. I could hardly believe this was happening. I was off to the ER. A CT scan revealed I had a bowel obstruction. And I obviously waited too long to address it. But it seemed to have come out of nowhere. The ER doctor came in and walked right up to me. He said, I want you to know I see a lot of people who are very ill, but you look really bad to me. He said, I want to be really straight with you. We need to send you back to the tertiary hospital where they are familiar with your very complex case, and we need to do it fast. He said that he arranged for a helicopter to airlift me back to the hospital. He then told my family privately that he was making no promises of me making it there in time. I mean, how many severe attacks and close calls can somebody have? Really? Come on, I thought. I've had emergencies before, especially during this past year. For goodness sake, I nearly died a few weeks ago. Aren't we going a little overboard here? Just a bit? I had a miracle in ICU, you know. So everything is supposed to be okay. It will be okay. So a helicopter? By this time, I was already getting some mild relief from my pain from the fentanyl they administered. Then they decided to give me an extra dose in case it wore off during the flight. Amy was concerned about that, and she actually advocated for me to have plenty of pain meds. That helicopter. Later I would think, what flight? I barely remembered it. As my family stood outside the hospital doors to see me off, I was placed in that bright green helicopter and whisked away. The only reason I know that thing was green is because at the last minute my son Mick decided to snap a photo just before we took off. He didn't take many photos, but he said something just made him think to do it. I guess it's sort of like Amy taking a photo of me in ICU where they were told to say goodbye to me. I spoke about that in episode 10. She said she wasn't sure if this was going to be the last photo she'd ever take of me. That daggum photo, it's on my website. I can hardly believe I posted it. Ugh. I look like a corpse, I'm sorry to say. It's hard to look at for many reasons. But it does show how far I've come. Once the helicopter took off, my family quickly discussed their plans. Rob drove five hours into the late night to meet me at the hospital. By the time I was in recovery, he was there. Rob was always there. Dear God, I am grateful for that. Our kids went back to the house to do as much as they could to prepare for me to return in hopes I would return. They had been gathering hospital equipment. There was a lot of hospital equipment, like a hospital bed, hoyer lift, wheelchairs, manual and electric. The list goes on. And medical supplies, oh my, so many medical supplies. Anyway, I got to the tertiary hospital in time, and my family was told it was a close call. But God, I love those two words. I spent a few days in ICU and then in a regular hospital room for another week. Finally, I was back home in just under two weeks. This time for good. Thank you, God. But that's when the challenges really began. We needed a team of caregivers around the clock. We had none. And there wasn't a cavalry on its way. It was just Rob and me, especially at first. I'll share more about that in upcoming episodes. I'm a counselor and a Master Life coach. If you're interested in working with me, I can help you find ways to move forward. I teach my clients the very skills I use to endure and overcome my pain and suffering during my darkest hours and any challenge that came my way. So I know what works. If you'd like to connect with me, just go to my website at Geri Carlson, that's G-E-R-I Carlson.com and request a free 15-minute call to briefly share with me about your issue and to see if I'd be a good fit. There's more info on the website, and I will leave a link in the show notes.

Gratitude

Gratitude. I had to do that at least once. Gratitude is at the center of everything. It's the only thing that explains my level of contentment today, even with some of my physical limitations. You can develop a level of gratitude. How? If your mind automatically goes to negative thoughts, especially when they are irrational or illogical thoughts, be mindful and start noticing this and make a choice to turn it around. Force yourself to see the positive, but be careful here. I'm not talking about just positive thinking. I'm talking about recognizing the good and being grateful for it. I actually thank God for it. There are always things that we need to look at critically, logically, and to be sure to take care of difficult situations. I mean, that's life, right? We've always got those things. But there are always good things happening as well. Be encouraged and thank God for the little things you notice. Be intentionally aware of your surroundings, of the people you meet during life's journey, and of those nudges from God that says that He is with you. You may not hear a room audible voice from above. Typically, you may receive a sensing, maybe a gut reaction or an intuition.

Trust God

Know that God will be there to guide you. So be sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. And that brings me to my faith take today, which comes from Proverbs chapter three, verses five and six. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. You know, trusting in God when things feel uncertain or troubled, scary maybe. You know, that is what we're talking about here. And I love what the next two verses say. So I'm gonna continue the read Proverbs 3, 7, and 8. Do not be wise in your own eyes, fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones. This whole passage builds a picture of trust. I love this whole chapter, Proverbs chapter 3. And what it's really pointing to here is a picture of trust. It's not just a feeling. Feelings can fool us. This is not just a feeling. Trust is not a feeling, it's a choice. And so think of it as a posture of leaning away from your own limited view and toward His, toward God. Oh, this is such a rich verse. I love it. Talk to the Lord about it, friends. If any of this is helpful or encouraging, please share this with someone who may need a little hope or encouragement. Thank you so much. And remember to go to my website and join my email list. I want to send you my new newsletter coming out really soon. Alright, thank you so much for listening. I love you all, and I'm thankful for you to take the time to be here with me. And I am looking forward to seeing you again next week. Until our paths meet again. Make it a great day for you and someone else. And remember, friends, there is always hope. Always.